she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
