dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
