This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
