once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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