We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
