just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My pussy is not your playground.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize