either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
