I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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