so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
