He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
