I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
