Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
