So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
