just survived the first fart of the relationship.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
