Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
