Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
please come you make the beer taste better
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
