he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
