He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
