Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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