My friends, they love my intelligence
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
