Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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