so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
