she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize