I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
