I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize