my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
