if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
