Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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