I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
operation have a gay friend backfired
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
