he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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