I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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