eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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