he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
