I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
