so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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