It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
