Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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