In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize