I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize