quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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