I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
