i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
