Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
