When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
