She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
