I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize