she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
