dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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