I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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