so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
