i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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