i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
