I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
