I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
