I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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