and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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