I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize