i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
