you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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