Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
