I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
