everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
