dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
