the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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