we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize