he shaved USA in his pubs
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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