beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
