So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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