if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
