dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
