Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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