remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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