I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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