can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
