So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize