if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
