After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
