Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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