you would pick up someone in the library
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
