I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
