Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
