We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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