I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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