Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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