Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
