She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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