dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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