So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Shame - the story of my life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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