So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
