she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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